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Terms of Service

MicroCon27.com
Effective until the next coup.

Welcome, curious netizen, to MicroCon27.com — the digital dominion of all things absurd, bureaucratic, and occasionally informative about the most important event in micronational history (or at least this week).

By accessing this website, you agree to the following Terms of Service, whether you like it or not. If you disagree with any of these terms, please close your laptop, unplug your modem, and go reflect on your life choices.

1. Ownership and Supreme Authority

This website is proudly owned, operated, occasionally maintained, and always judged by Republic of Slowjamastan LLC, a legitimate entity recognized by… well, ourselves. Any attempt to overthrow this site’s sovereignty shall be considered an act of war (or at least rudeness).

All diplomatic communiqués may be directed to:

The Consulate of The Republic of Slowjamastan
6160 Cornerstone Court East, Suite 150
San Diego, CA 92121
Phone: +1 (602) 535-2140
Email: info@slowjamastan.org

Office hours: Whenever we feel like it.

2. User Behavior

By using this site, you solemnly swear:

  • Not to wear Crocs while browsing.
  • Not to impersonate royalty, unless you actually are royalty, in which case, welcome.
  • Not to attempt to hack, hijack, or otherwise disrupt this site’s delicate infrastructure (held together by duct tape and diplomacy).
  • Not to screenshot content and claim it’s from a real country.

Violations of these terms may result in public shaming, exile from Slowjamastan, and permanent inclusion on our “No Fun List.”

3. Intellectual Property

Everything you see, read, scroll past, or pretend to understand on this site belongs to the Republic of Slowjamastan LLC, except that one thing you definitely screenshotted. Don’t steal our stuff. We have lawyers. Very enthusiastic, slightly underpaid lawyers.

You may, however, print pages of this site and use them as emergency toilet paper, provided proper attribution is given.

4. Cookies

We use cookies. Not the tasty kind. The disappointing kind that stalk your digital behavior and help us pretend we understand analytics. By using this site, you agree to our cookie policy, which we’ve hidden somewhere in an encrypted vault guarded by a goat.

5. Links to Other Realities

This site may contain links to external websites, other micronations, and possibly one sketchy TikTok. We are not responsible for their content, actions, or whether or not they recognize Slowjamastan’s sovereignty. Proceed with caution, and maybe a VPN.

6. No Guarantees, Promises, or Diplomatic Immunity

While we make every effort to keep this site up to date, coherent, and free of typos, we cannot guarantee the accuracy of anything, ever. Especially if The Sultan was involved.

Attendance at MicroCon 27 does not automatically entitle you to a knighthood, although it might. Depends on our mood.

7. Modifications to These Terms

We reserve the right to change, update, or completely rewrite these Terms of Service at any time, without warning, explanation, or apology. You are expected to keep refreshing this page hourly, just in case.

8. Legal Stuff (Like, Actual Legal Stuff)

These Terms are governed by the Laws of the Republic of Slowjamastan and, to a lesser extent, the laws of the United States (because apparently, that still matters). Disputes will be settled by thumb war, interpretive dance, or in a neutral third-party court — like Molossia.

9. Contact Us

Questions? Comments? Love letters? Please contact us through any of the following outdated bureaucratic channels:

📧 Email: info@slowjamastan.org
📍 Address: The Consulate of The Republic of Slowjamastan,
6160 Cornerstone Court East, Suite 150,
San Diego, CA 92121, United States of America
📞 Phone: +1 (602) 535-2140 (Ask for The Sultan. Don’t actually.)